The S.I. System of Weights and Measures may be a bit of a dog’s dinner, but at least it’s a dog’s dinner prepped, cooked, served and — more to the point — *eaten* by scientists.

### A brief history of the *Système international d’unités*

It all began with the *métre* (“measure”), of course. This was first proposed as a universal measure of distance by the post-Revolutionary French Academy of Sciences in 1791. According to legend (well, not *legend* precisely — think of it as random speculative gossip, if you prefer), they first proposed that the metre should be one millionth of the distance from the North Pole to the equator.

When that turned out to be a little on the large side, they reputedly shrugged in that inimitable Gallic fashion said: “*D’accord, faisons un dix millionième alors, mais c’est ma dernière offre.*” (“OK, let’s make it one *ten* millionths then, but that’s my final offer.”)

Since then, what measurement-barbarians loosely (and egregiously incorrectly) call “the metric system” has been through many iterations and revisions to become the S.I. System. Its full name is the *Système international d’unités *which pays due honour to France’s pivotal role in developing and sustaining it.

When some of those same measurement-barbarians call for a return to the good old “pragmatic” Britsh Imperial System of inches and foot-poundals (the force exerted by a mass of one pound dropped from a height of one foot, in case you didn’t know), I urge all fair-minded people to tell them, as kindly as possible, that they can’t: not now, not ever.

Since 1930, the inch has been *defined* as 25.4 millimetres. (It was, so I believe, the accuracy and precision needed to design and build jet engines that led to the redefinition. The older definitions of the inch simply weren’t precise enough.)

You simply *cannot* replace the S.I. system, you can, however, dress it up a little bit and call a distance of 25.4 millimetres “one inch” if you really wanted to — but, in the end, what would be the point of that?

### The Power of Three (well, ten to the third power, anyways)

For human convenience, the S.I. system includes prefixes. So a large distance might measured in kilometres where the prefix *kilo-* indicates multiplying by a factor of 1000 (or 10 raised to the third power). The distance between the Globe Theatre in London and Slough Station is 38.6 km. Longer distances such as London and New York, NY would be 5.6 megametres (or 5.6 Mm — note capital ‘M’ for mega [one million] to avoid confusion with the prefix *milli-* ).

The S.I. System has prefixes for all occasions, as shown below.

Note also that one should convert all prefixes into standard units for calculations e.g. meganewtons should be converted to newtons. The sole exception is kilograms because the base unit is the kilogram not the gram, so a megagram should be converted into kilograms, not grams. I trust that’s clear. (Did I mention the “dog’s dinner” part yet?)

For perspective, the distance between Earth and the nearest star outside our Solar System is 40 petametres, and current age of the universe is estimated to be 0.4 exaseconds (give or take a petasecond or two).

A useful mnemonic for remembering these is *Karl Marx Gives The Proletariat Eleven Zeppelins* (and one can imagine the proletariat expressing their gratitude by chanting in chorus: “*Yo! Ta, Mr Marx!*” as they march bravely forward.)

But what about the little prefixes?

*Milli-* we have already covered above. The diameter of one of your red blood cells in 8 micrometres and the time it takes light to travel a distance equal to the diameter of a hydrogen atom is 300 zeptoseconds.

Again, there is an SI prefix for every occasion:

A useful mnemonic would be: *Millie’s Microphone Needs a Platform For Auditioning Zebra Yodellers.*

For the record, GCSE Physics students are expected to know the SI prefixes between *giga-* and *pico-,* but if you’re in for a *pico-* then you’re in for anything between a *yotta-* and a *yocto-* in my opinion (if you catch my drift).

### Very, very, very small to very, very, very big

The mean lifetime of a Z-boson (the particle that carries the Weak force) is 0.26 yoctoseconds.

According to our current understanding of physics, the stars will have stopped shining and all the galaxies will dissipate into dissassociated ions some 315 yottaseconds from now.

Apart from that, happy holidays everyone!